The Ex-Factor

I’m going to have to re-work Forrest Gump’s line and say that “Ex-es are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get”

Most of you have had at least one ex, so you know what I’m talking about.

And in your closet full of skeletons, you're sure to have one or more of the following:

• The total *bleep* but you dated him anyway
• The ugly guy with the great personality ( this is what you told your friends)
• The hot guy who everyone wanted ( and who wanted everybody else too...hmmm)
• The dalliance with a foreigner who returned over yonder
• The guy who had a girlfriend that you thought he would leave ( but he never did)
• The long-distance relationship
• The cheater you forgave more than once
• The office romance
• The married man ( this one I’m not endorsing, by the way)
• The Sugar-daddy
• The Bad Boy
• The Player complete with his trailer of baby-mommies.
• The spoilt, rich guy
• The commitment-phobic guy, who is happy to be engaged to you for 5 years plus.
• The best friend with benefits
  
  

Right, have I covered all the bases? I hope so. And so, in the hodge-podge of exes, there are those we have fond memories of, those who are harmless and sadly, those we will never speak to again and those we hope we never see again.

That last one is a bit difficult because by now you also realise that T&T’s so small, you’re sure to “bump” into your ex on your next Friday after-work lime or in some band launch. And drat if it happens when we're not looking so great. This can only be counteracted if the girl he's with when you see him looks worse than you! hahah ( but I digress...)

Anyway…to add insult to injury, then comes along the phenomenon of Facebook, where the apparent Graveyard of Exes are suddenly dug up via little “friend requests.” Please…unless the relationship ended very platonically, I’m not entirely convinced that two exes can be “friends.” (You are free to differ!)

And what about the Ex-Factor at your wedding? How do you feel about inviting him and what exactly is the protocol on this issue?

Well, there’s no set one.

Ideally, this is a decision a couple should make together. Some brides or grooms may make an exception and would invite an “ex” if they have children together. The other school of thought ( of which Peggy Post is a major proponent) is that this may be confusing for the children and it may be much wiser to leave “the ex” out of the wedding equation altogether.

If you can’t decide whether to invite your ex or not, here are some issues to consider:

Examine the real motive you have for inviting your “ex.” Ensure it’s not some deep-rooted desire to prove to him/her that you’ve found someone else or someone better; or worse - a plot to make your spouse-to-be jealous.

Practice “The Golden Rule of Guest List Planning” – think about how you would feel if your fiance(e) invited his/her ex?


Avoid the torch holders - You may want to avoid inviting an ex who you suspect may still have lingering feelings for you. You will know him by his excessive emails, texts, voice messages, accidental drive-bys at your home or workplace, constant griping about your current boyfriend - you catch my drift!

Platonic place – Some brides or grooms see no problem with inviting an ex, especially if they have maintained a friendship or if they dated a long time ago and it ended on amicable terms

Compromise - If your fiancé(e) genuinely does not mind, by all means invite your ex. If however, this decision makes either of you uncomfortable, it is best to stay away from inviting the “ex-es” and avoid potentially awkward moments on your special day!

Reciprocate - If you were invited to your former flame’s wedding and both you and your current partner attended, you can return the favour.

Some rules of thumb if you do decide to invite your “ex”:

1. Invite your ex with a guest. This may make things more comfortable for everyone.
   
2. Accept it if your ex politely declines your wedding invitation. Even if you’re comfortable with the idea having him/her attend your wedding, he or she may not be!
   
3. Please, do not slow dance or suggestively dance with your ex at your wedding or engage in a long conversation. Greet your ex just as you would any other guest and thank him/her for coming.