Say the word “mother-in-law” to most women and for sure, you’ll get an array of facial expressions! In my short 6-year experience of having one (and of hearing my friends’ stories about theirs), I sure have learnt a lot about human nature! Like for instance, isn’t it funny that most guys seem to get along famously with their MILs but somehow women seem to have a harder time? Is it us or them? Or both? Hmmm…They should add that to the mysteries of the earth. In the early years of my marriage, I told my husband about this. His response?
He bought me a book.
I can’t even remember the title correctly but it was something like” How to deal with the Mother in law/Daughter in law relationship” Yeah…sort of like “MILs For Dummies.”
Anyway, as with any relationship, I too have my good days and bad days with my MIL. However, time has taught me patience and understanding that I never thought I was capable of and I’ve come to the conclusion that I can now categorise MILs according to type. Here goes:
The Laid-Back MIL –This MIL doesn’t interfere. She gives her opinion only when asked. She actually believes you’re the best thing to happen to her son and that before you, he was merely a mis-guided, ambition-less offspring who couldn’t settle down. However, the down side is that she appears never to take a side, which can be unnerving, especially when you need some “back up support!”
The Matriarch – She means well but hasn’t quite learnt yet that her role has changed in the family scheme of things (doesn’t she know you’re in charge now? grin). In fact, the “family” and family outings are her main priorities in life and darn it if you won’t tow the line! Chances are she tells everyone what to do, simply because she’s accustomed to doing that and no one has ever really told her to stop. She doesn’t tolerate opposition to her plans (and believe me, she has plans for you!), in fact, if you do oppose she may very well turn into the Manipulator (refer below)
The Never-Ending Mommy-er – This MIL apparently doesn’t think her son has grown out of his little boy sneakers. She babies him to no end, will happily cook anything he wants (or mentions in casual conversation), calls him more than once a day and will gladly be his errand-person if need be. She’s always “popping” over, just because she loves being around her son (she might even consider surgically attaching herself to him). The good thing about this type of MIL though is that she will gladly bend over to help you too, well, either that or she will irritate you to no end, simply because you can’t “mommy” him as good as she can!
The Diva MIL - She’s just too cool for school. She’s on top of the latest fashion trends, she watches all the entertainment shows on TV and she probably does as much partying/feting as you do. Chances are this MIL is so busy with her own social calendar that she doesn’t have the least inclination to interfere in your lives. This is a good thing. The bad? Well, if you’re not quite up to par on her priorities in life, you’ll just be labelled as “lame and boring” Oh…and by the way, this is clearly not the type of MIL that will help you with babysitting (don’t even ask).
The Home-Maker – This MIL is a traditionalist and chances are she’s very into her religion. She believes you have to prepare 3 square meals a day and do the laundry like a good wife. The Home-maker is really and truly harmless, but be warned that she simply doesn’t understand career-minded girls who want to make it to the top of the corporate ladder.
The Snob – This MIL thinks from the get-go that you’re not worthy to marry her son; and stupidly it may just be because your religion, class, bank account, race or some other criteria is different. It’s pathetic but she just won’t seem to give you a chance. She drops snide comments and lifts that eyebrow far too much. There is no winning with The Snob, ignoring her or working around her, is the only thing that seems to work. You can try direct confrontation as well, so that you can just get The Snob off your chest.
The Manipulator – is a total control freak. Her words are like honey but she means business and usually this means getting you to do what she wants, when she wants it. If she acts as though she’s not bothered by what you’ll decide, this is just a farce. She’ll drop hints, act like the victim or even have tears flow on command, in order to coerce you.
The Hybrid – This is what most of us have. The MIL who can take on more than one of the roles above, at the drop of a hat. Well, now at least you know what you’re dealing with, right...?
